Q: I’m taking a little this semester and I’m super excited about it, but the little that I got is not the one that I was wanting. I’ve talked to her and hung out with her, but she’s kind of shy. I don’t see our personalities meshing very well. I don’t really know what to do because I don’t want to be that big who gets a little and then never talks to her. But I also don’t see myself giving it my all to be her big.
A: You DO know that you have free will and you can CHOOSE to do the right thing? You can be a good person in spite of your feelings. That’s what sisterhood, loyalty and commitment is all about. Strong character shines when the situation is less than perfect, not when everything is sunshine and roses. You say you have the potential to be a terrific big sister, but you are choosing not to do that. All because this particular sweet and shy (probably overwhelmed) new member is not your first choice little. Uhhhhh… I am almost speechless. But not quite!
✬ YOUR NEW LITTLE:
- She may take awhile to warm up to people. She may not be quiet once you really get to know her. She could just be intimidated in new situations.
- You and your sorority voted for her to be a sister for life, so there is something wonderful about her personality.
- She NEEDS and deserves a loving big who will treat her as a special person, show her the ropes, spoil her and guide her. It’s not her fault she was matched with you and not the other little.
- Shyness is not the same as being mean, rude, gossipy, back-stabbing, or other seriously unpleasant personality traits. She could be much, much worse.
- Time, familiarity and the security of being big/little helps most shyer girls come out of their shell. Given the chance she will probably blossom. Feeling loved and accepted works miracles.
- Please give your new little a chance! Imagine what would happen if you went ahead and DID all the awesome things you want to do as an ideal big. What if you acted like you got your #1 choice? What do you think the result would be if you treated her just like a little you’re crazy about? Do you think your relationship would be more positive if you were generous, attentive and totally lovable towards this sister?
- How you act and how you feel inside does not have to match. Sometimes you are obligated to do certain things because it’s the right thing to do. From doing your sorority duty many blessings will come. If you give to your new little you will be doing the right thing. If you choose to ignore her and don’t do much ~ guess what will happen? Only unhappiness and negativity will be the outcome. Being cheerful, involved and giving is sooooo much more fun. Take the high road and you will be happier too.
- This is an ideal opportunity for BOTH of you to grow. You are now learning that you don’t always get exactly what you want in life. Your personal challenge is to make the best of it. Your little will hopefully learn to be more outgoing with your help. If you are a salt & pepper match, it can be a good thing. She can help you be more generous of spirit and you can help her become more empowered. Look for ways to compliment each other.The best of friends are often opposite in several ways, but they balance each other out. What can you learn from your little? What can she learn from you? How can you enrich each other’s lives?
- Not every big/little bond starts with A+ compatibility. Many big/little pairs don’t know each other well and some are complete strangers. You have 100% free will do make this relationship either the best it can be, or a complete failure. Your little will be looking for you to set the tone and take the lead. What kind of big do you want to be remembered as? What do you want your little to say about you years from now? How you were selfishly disappointed in her and didn’t give her the time of day? Or, how you took her under your wing, were nicer to her than any other sister and even though your personalities were a little different, you took the time to make her feel completely loved and accepted in her new sorority? You are the author of your own life script. Which story do you want told about you?
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